I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
