I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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