Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
