Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
