You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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