Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
