Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
