After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
