very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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