you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Randomize
