Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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