anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
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