dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
