Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
