my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
