things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
