I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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