This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
