As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
