I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
