You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
