i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
