Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
