Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
