I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
