Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Randomize
