oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
