I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Randomize
