Soap is not a condiment
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
