Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
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Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
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Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I enjoy the company of your penis
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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