what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
