hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
