goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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