Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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