Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
