All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
