My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
