She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
