Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
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I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
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Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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