i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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