Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
