I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
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I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
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this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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