Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
