Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
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His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
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I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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