Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I am available for nakedness
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
