new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize