I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
