FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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