Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
