If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
