I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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