So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
The beers last night were like the tears from god
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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