we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
