fuck your aforementioned shoe
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
