My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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