Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
