Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
