i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
