Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
