I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
