it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
