I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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