Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Randomize
