I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
