I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
