Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
