nut hugger
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Randomize
