I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
