i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
