Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
We were destined to go to rehab together
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
