Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
