peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
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