i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
