I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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