just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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