So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
