dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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