I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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