I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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