My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
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Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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