never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
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We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
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At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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